Cancer, Grief, LIFE LESSONS, Poetry

Stay With Me

Stay With Me

Will you sit by my side
While I die ?
Will you brush my hair
And teeth
And sit by my side
While I die ?
I won’t be a nuisance
I won’t scream
In pain or moan
Or chew my food like a new born babe.
I promise not to dribble or wet the bed,
I will wear a catheter instead.
Promise me that you will sit by my side while I
I won’t give two hoots about dirty boots coming into
My house or if the hoovering gets missed or if you skip your five a day.
Just say you will stay by my side,
While I die.
I will listen when you talk and look at you when you speak,
Just please stay at my side.
I won’t make a fuss when they turn me this way and that and have the
Indignity of being stripped bare
I will leak and make mess.
But please, please stay by my side.
Tell me about food prices and litter on streets, how parking charges go up and what you ate for a treat.
I promise I won’t google what’s wrong with me,or stare at you longingly
If you tell me you will stay with me until

I die.

Cancer, Grief, LIFE LESSONS

Life is ridiculously short

This morning one of my best friends mum died she was 63 and was diagnosed 6 weeks ago. It was cancer, everywhere. Last year my dad died it was a brain tumour he fought for 6 months. Those months were a living hell and I won’t sugarcoat it. For him and us; he lost all his dignity he was almost blind before it and the cancer robbed him entirely. He lost use of his legs and had to be bed bathed and pads changed near the end. He would cry out in distress in the night. What could we do ? Just be with him, tell him mundane things, anything to distract from the approaching conclusion. Life was a constant round of well meaning visitors and carers four times a day. It was rare to get a moment alone. But, somehow I did. We had 30 minutes while I visited him in hospital he was being sick and had cellulitis as a complication. I just sat with him and talked nonsense. He did not respond just some murmuring and I stroked his hand. It was peaceful. There was no crying or revelations just the two of us. This once big man was the man who taught me how to ride a bike, who carried me to bed when I fell asleep on the sofa, who listened when I said I had written a new story no one else did those things. As I write this my head hurts as dollops of tears fall, time doesn’t lessen the pain as you pause in your day time madness and you remember they just aren’t there anymore, just an ache and memories that never fade.